This is a Story by Krizza Razon

Rebel Hearts

A silent hum escaped her lips as she read the book in front of her, oblivious to the fact that a thousand or so students were milling around her. Well, they are just swirls of blue and white to her, anyway. It didn't matter, really.

A single leaf fell to the ground beside her feet from the strong protecting tree that shaded her from the hot afternoon sun. It is lunchtime. She looked at her watch. 12:45. 15 more minutes until Chemistry. She buried her head back again. 

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At the far corner of the school grounds, hearty laughter could be heard from a small bunch. The popular bunch. They are composed of the most beautiful, most handsome, in short, most sought after in school. Among them is James. James, the incredible basketball player, the amazing guitarist, the talented math wiz, the dedicated one to the girl he's courting, the perfect guy.

He looked around as his friends joked about how easy the exams had been. That's it. That's the reason why many have a crush on them. It’s because they got both good looks and brains. Not like the others who only have brains because in this school, there are no "only looks" persons, everyone has brains. After all, it's a science high school. What do you expect?

He spotted her sitting under a tree across the Quad. She is alone. He looked at his friends again and excused himself. He has to ask now. The timing is perfect.

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"Hi."

She looked up. And her breath caught up in her throat. It's James.

"Hi," she said and smiled a little. She is one who can keep herself sane when talking to the guy she's loved for two straight years who never loved her back as far as she knows. "Why?"

"I'd get straight to the point, Aeiriss."

Dub-dub. Dub-dub.

"Is the rumor true?"

She blinked. She knew it. How did she ever think that he wouldn’t ask? Of course he have already heard the crazy rumor that she, Aeiriss, likes him, James. Well, it's not true. For she, Aeiriss, does not like James, but loves him. Her expression took that one of a puzzled, as if she doesn't know what he's talking about. "Rumor? What rumor?"

He smiled. "That you like me." Trust him to be calm. He's dealt with more crazed girls chasing after him before, she thought.

"Oh that!" She laughed and hoped it didn't sound so hollow, since that is exactly how she felt right now. Hollow. Like her insides have been taken out by force using a scrapper. "Don't tell me you believe Mike! You're not exactly taking him seriously, are you?"

He laughed too. "Of course not! I was just curious. I mean I won't be surprised if it was. Lots of girls do find me very attractive. I think that's what they call inborn. I guess I'm just born charming," he said smiling. She almost stood up and brushed away his hair from his eyes when a gentle wind blew. But she refrained herself from doing so for that would be doing exactly the opposite of what she just told him. "So, it's not really true? Not even a tiny speck of admiration because c'mon! It's not really true?"

She raised an eyebrow. "Well, the answer is a very flat 'no,' because c'mon! How can I like someone whose head is the size of a swollen tire?" she joked too, imitating him.

And they laughed together.

Then silence.

The bell rang somewhere in the distance and she stood up. Thanking all the gods that there may who helped the time go faster. It was bad enough that she's been denying that to everyone who's been curious. But to lie to his face about something that can't be anymore true than how the sky is blue.

No.

She just had to deny it. He just asked it out of curiosity. It's not like he'd court her if she admitted it to be true. By all the force in the world he's been in love with someone among his crowd shortly after she, her self loved him. It's just not right.

Yes, she loves him. But she just can't admit that to his face.

No. She can't.

And she walked away.

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He watched her back as she turned to go inside the lab. But he didn't move. He'd be late. He knows that. It doesn't matter. It doesn't really matter when your heart's just been torn to little pieces over the last 15 minutes.

He shouldn't have asked her. He shouldn't have. But he thought she did. That she did like him. The way she'd look at him when he'd joke about something. The way she smiles when he talks to her. The way.

A tear fell down his cheeks. He thought, he only thought of things his way. Maybe that's what's wrong with him. But he was so sure.

Another tear.

He just joked about it when she said it wasn't true. What else is there to do? If he hadn't, he might have gone to his knees there and there and confessed that if she doesn't, then he does with all his heart. It's all my fault.

Another one.

If only I hadn't courted Leihan too early. But I can't back down now.

Tears. What now? Should he corner her again and tell her? And have his pride be stomped this time? No! He can't. But he loved her too much.

Last tear.

I'd just leave her in silence. Love her in silence.

Rebel Thoughts to Words

She watched them file out of the classroom. Hurried steps echoing through the floor. They are going to practice for a school contest to be performed tomorrow at the park. She's not a part of the performers. She's one of the group entrusted with producing props for the presentation.

Her eyes wandered to the blank blackboard. Blank. The old habit of writing "nothings," as she and her friends like to call them, is coming back. She peered through the chalk box. There is one solitary chalk. White. Inviting. Her hand reached out for it. Smooth. The tip now inches away from the board's green pain.

"Aeiriss!" Her hand stopped.

"Wait a minute," she called back and stared back unto the board. Write. She commanded her hand. And it did. It wrote words after words and formed a two-stanza poem. She stood back to read it. A dull ache in her heart. 'I, You, Her.' I, herself. You, a classmate. Her, her classmate's love.

A dull ache in her heart.

She read the poem one last time and left the room to go home.

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He fitted the key into the lock. Hurrying to see if he left his wallet here yesterday. It was at the park that he noticed he didn't have it in his pocket. Good thing he can call his father and ask him to pick him up in times like that, which he did.

He rummaged through the cabinet and finally, at the bottom of a pile of papers, he found it. He shook his head. Another loser playing a prank. If that's the case, then this is a first. No one ever dared to play a prank on him. All the boys sort of looks up to him with respect as their leader. But then again, he may have just misplaced it.

He was about to leave the room and return to attend the flag ceremony when he noticed the writing on the board. It stood out from the surface, pale white against dark green. It is a short poem. He strained his eyes to see, two stanzas, he thinks. He started to turn when he recognized the handwriting. He began to read.

I, You, Her (what?)

You stare at her (he remembered the girl he is courting). You follow her every move (yes, he does). You breathe her every word (true). You love her more than anything (.).

What you don't know is that.

I stare at you (his heart began to beat faster). I follow your every move (a burning sensation). I breathe your every word (his heart clenched). I love you more than you love her (dub-dub. dub-dub). 

A dull ache.

He peered through the chalk box. There's only one chalk. He picked it up. He held in his hand the very chalk that wrote the poem with that thought he added words after words to the poem, which formed another stanza.

And he truly left to return to his line.

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She entered the room with the rest of the class. Each talking about the contest this afternoon. But her eyes are on the board. The board in where she wrote a two-paragraphs poem yesterday. The poem is still there. But now, it's not only two stanzas. Someone added lines. She frowned at who could have done it. But when she recognized the handwriting, her heart leapt.

What I don't know is that.

You stare at me too (she thought back to those selected few incidents). You follow my every move out of the corner of your eye (what?). You breathe my every word in your secret world (confusion). You love me more than you have ever loved her (dub-dub. dub-dub).

She closed her eyes. This is a dream. She waited for somebody to wake her up. She waited and waited. But no one did. And when she opened her eyes, you may call it fate but others prefer to call it destiny, she saw him looking at her. Through the swirls of blue and white, through the chatters and excitement of the whole class amidst all this, they stared at each other.

And on this one fated ay or destined day (whichever way you prefer), rebels gave way to freedom. Words telling it all with no one speaking.

Rebel Without a Cause

The room is thinning of people as news spread about our teacher in math being absent. Some went down to have their lunch early; others (but only a small number) went to the library to study for future lessons, while a great deal went somewhere else, only He knows where.

I stayed in the classroom with my good friend, the one I'm closest in all our group. As I scan the room for other breathing souls, I saw her. I felt my heart leap with joy, I don't know why. She is with her friend and they are talking in hushed voices so I can't quite hear them though I caught a few words like "thought, "can't," and "impossible." I didn't mind really. Just her being there is enough for me, though again, I don't know why. But when I heard the name "Rikui," I felt a sense of insecurity, of jealousy, a dull ache in my heart. I can't resist it. I so strategically turned my chair a little nearer to them as I did so; their conversation became clear to my ears.

"Could you please repeat that again?" I heard her friend say.

"Ok," that two-letter word resonated through my head as if spoken by an angel, though again, I don't know why. "I was walking home yesterday, ID in hand as usual when I saw a pair of feet standing in front of me. I stepped to the right to let him pass but he grabbed my ID instead," concern filled up inside me, now that's Ok, since it's normal to feel that way when you hear something like that, "I started to panic but when I raised my head to see who it was, I became unable of speech. It was Rikui," concern was quickly replaced by frustration, what is he doing? "I'm rooted to the spot, tongue-tied. Then he said, "I'll be waiting for you" and when away. I was dazed. Then this morning, I came to realize that he got my ID. How am I going to get in? But when I reached the gate, there he was, standing, 'waiting for me,' wearing my ID." Anger. Anger. I felt angry at myself for being so damn slow, stupid, for I just realized something, though I can't still put it, "Then he accompanied me inside and helped me wear my ID. He ever carried my bag. And then he said that he won't be able to see me this afternoon since he'll be going home late but he will surely be at the gate tomorrow morning again."

She's finished with her story. I can hear her friend telling her that she can't believe it. But her voice seemed so distant as my mind now is only focused on what she had just said. Rikui had made his move. And he had already graduated, studying in a different school. While I? I'm just here, her classmate.

I snapped back into reality as I heard what she said next. "I don't know. He's really a nice and smart guy and he has been my crush since last year. I still can't believe it. As if this is a long lost dream finally coming true," I sensed regret, not happiness, in her voice, "And maybe, if we talk something over, it could just work out."

That did it! I felt myself abruptly stand up, knocking my chair off. I felt my feet walk outside the room as fast as possible, to where? I don't care. I don't know why I did it. Though I already have a vague idea, it still can't be. Just as I was coming down the stairs, I heard her voice and she spoke of my name.

"James!"

It almost made me stop. Almost. I can't stop now. There will be too much questions. But why is she running after me? I ignored the crazy idea that she cared. That's impossible, just impossible.

I'm still walking fast, she is almost running. I play basketball; the only sport she can play is chess. I reached an empty classroom at the end of the corridor that is most secluded since it is located in the farthest part of the school. I banged the door open and went inside.

My thoughts are full of 'why's' and 'it can't be's.' My fist pounded the blackboard. Why? Why? I don't know the answer either. I heard her footsteps. She had stopped running. I can't believe she still followed me. But then I felt her soft hand touch my shoulder and I melted.

"James."

I don't know why I did it, but I did. I felt my arms flung itself backwards and knocked her down into the corner of the room. I was shocked. She too, I can tell. I turned around and saw her sitting down, crouching, face buried on her knees, shaking, probably crying. I felt angry at myself. Why? Why did I do it? But there's no time for questions now. I walked towards her and crouched facing her side. My hand felt soft smooth skin as it unmidfully reached and touched her cheek. She stopped quivering and slowly raised her head and faced me. Sweat and tears covered her face. I reached for my handkerchief and wiped it all away. But I didn't remove my hand from her face. I just let it stay there. It just felt so right.

A million things I want to ask her. Why did she follow me? Why is it that she likes Rikui? Why does she make me feel this way? Then it hit me. I love her. It's not because she's beautiful, because no, her looks are not to die for. It's not because she's the smartest in class, because no, she's not. It's not because she's popular, because no, only a few people know her. It's because she's her and I just let her slip though (*snap*) like that! She's about to belong to Rikui. Not to me. But before I truly let her go, maybe just one. Just one will sustain me throughout my life.

I tilted her face and stared into the depths of her eyes. Is that love burning there? No! It can't be. It may just be the reflection of my own. But I can't resist it anymore. So I closed the small distance between our lips. I felt her mouth form a small 'o' against mine. Softly. Gently. I was surprised when she started to kiss me back with equal passion to how I feel, if not, more. All doubts ceased to exist as the whole world did, too. It's just us. There. Alone.

After some time. We broke apart. Catching our breath. I saw her cast her eyes down.

"I love you." I blurted. It's now or never. I don't care what they say. I don't care what they think. I love her and it took one move from Rikui for me to realize it. I waited in silence as she stared down. Unable to breath since I'm almost afraid of what she would do next.

"I love you too."

A whisper. Soft. But clear. What?

But before I can ask her, she stood up and started to leave the room. But being the quick athlete that I was, I reached her in one swift motion and wrapped my arms around her. She is shaking. I smelled the scent of her long dark hair. Sweet, just as she is.

"I love you. I love you. I love you," I continuously whispered to her, as if trying to make her believe something she had already affirmed. She then turned and sobbed freely in my arms and I tightened my embrace as if not wanting to let go, yet again, I really don't.

"I love you too."

A whisper. Soft. But clear. And I don't need to ask 'What?' this time.

Everything became all right. Everything is now all right. Everything.

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We went back into our classroom together, faces not much of an open book but our eyes convey it all, for she loves me and I love her. We love each other.

Finally, this rebel heart found its cause.