My Lonely Valentine

Unfortunately… Yes.. I am… without a partner 'valentino' on Valentines Day.
I thought for sure someone might ask me for the Seniors' Ball this coming March 20… but looks like—I thought wrong. Oh… Why not? Why not? Am I that ugly that people don't like me at all… Is it my attitude? What's wrong with me… I often ask this question to myself whenever I'm reminded of how -mate-less- my life has been so far. It's a relief to know that Kharrie, prolly the prettiest girl in our school with tons of admirers too, is alone for valentines like me but why is it that eventhough I try my best to be fun, energetic, smart, kind, thoughtful—those stuff that guys look for I don't seem to get any catch at all.

Car, a.k.a. bluefire, already has a partner for the Seniors' Ball—Jayven. She said she regretted the decision to go with him but personally, I think she made a better choice. I'd prefer Jayven over the other guy from their room who asked her today. I don't like guys who act like a girl's boyfriend when they're not. Specifically, I'm referring to those guys who touch a girl's hands/hips at nang-aakbay. That's not love—it's lust. Anyways, glad the guy from her room was too late *whew*. I won't mention any names though.

I feel rather insecure with Car already having a partner and all. What about me? What if no one asks me? What if I don't wanna go with whoever asks me? (I am so damn fuzzy when it comes to these things) Oh… If only… If only… Q… arghh. I can't stand the thought of me still liking him that much still. After all, he already has his own boo. Even fate must disagree with my feelings for him. Yesterday (Feb. 13) and Today (Feb. 14) afternoon I had the -lucky- chance of seeing him and his girlfriend walk together. I even saw him at the a flower shop in Mega this afternoon buying flowers for her.

According to 1 Corinthians 13: 4-7
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Nowadays, I frequently read those verses—the Bible for me these days has become a source of relief for my ever wandering heart. Since it's already obvious anyways… I'll admit it—I love Q. And as the song "Wag na Wag Mong Sasabihin" by Kitchie Nadal goes… I'm ready to let him go if that would make him happy the most.

I don't agree with his chosen girl and I think he's spoiling her simply because his last girlfriend dumped him due to his own neglect but I know one thing for sure: He's not the type of guy that would force himself to like someone because people told him to. And as Car said, he's a passionate person, I guess I'm just not the one to see that.

Hay… I feel like praying again… As I think about what I might meet in college I get reminded of the fact that: I never really liked Q because he was Q in the first place. Before, I simply liked him because I needed a filler for the hole in my heart after elementary. Maybe.. that would be the case in college too. I will again find someone to fill the void that Q left behind and eventually, find it hard to let go too.

The one above might want me to be patient. He might want me to follow His son's words and to love Him above all things. I guess… maybe, if that's what He really wants for me, and that's what He knows would make me happy… Maybe I'll end up having the life that our Assistant Principal at NDKC IBEd leads too… single blessedness…